Does Anybody Want a Cup of Tea?
by Ford
Summary: We know this is totally mad, but we decided to put it on anyway. Please R/R. ZB & FP


Does anybody want a cup of tea?  
  
by Zaphod and Ford  
  
A.N: We know that this is totally nuts. There's a simple explanation- we're mad  
  
  
  
Ford Prefect was dreaming of getting seriously drunk. A Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, a perfect, unbalanced, frothy, terribly addictive Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, was floating in the air in front of his eyes. This wasn't because he was drunk, it was because he _wanted _to get drunk.  
He let his semi-cousin Zaphod's excited boasting wash over him and then saw something out of the corner of his eye.  
Zaphod's girlfriend Trillian was having a very _enthusiastic _conversation with a Vogon in the corner of the bar.  
  
_From _The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy_, Edition 2, section 78, page 1,243,654,675,462. *Vogon Constructor Fleets*.  
  
Here's what to do if you get a lift from a Vogon: forget it. They are one of the most unpleasent races in the Galaxy- not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to rescue their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for a month and recycled as firelighters.  
The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick a finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.  
On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry at you.  
  
_Going by that it was pretty wierd that Trilliian was having drinks bought her by a Vogon.  
Ford watched them get up and leave. He played with an empty glass for a few minutes and decided to interrupt Zaphod.  
'Zaphod?' he said.  
'And then I said, hey well-'  
'Zaphod?!'  
Zaphod had another drink.  
'ZAPHOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' _  
_ 'What?' said Zaphod, annoyed. 'Got a problem?'  
'No, but you have,' Ford said, 'your girlfriend's running off with a Vogon!'  
'Big deal,' said Zaphod. 'It's only Trillian running off with a Vogon- aaaaah! My girlfriend's running off with a Vogon!! Come on Ford.' He sprinted off.   
  
Ford stared after him, then made sure no one was looking and finished Zaphod's Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster off. Then he slowly walked to where he thought Zaphod had gone.   
  
They found the place where the _Heart of Gold _was parked easily, but the _Heart of Gold _wasn't there. Only Marvin the Paranoid Android was there trying to look as dejected as possible.  
'Hey Marvin, where did the ship go?' Zaphod said.  
'Did I tell you that I've got an awful pain in all the diodes down my left side?' the robot said.  
'Yes you did, several times,' said Ford.  
'Where did the ship go?!' said Zaphod angrily.  
'I don't know,' said Marvin.  
_ 'Shit,_' Zaphod said. _   
'_Marvin,' said Ford threatningly, 'do you have any idea whatsoever about where Trillian went in our ship???!!!!!!!'  
'Why would I have any idea?' Marvin said. There was a funny noise behind him, and Ford turned around to look. Zaphod had his arms round the next ship and appeared to be trying to squeeze it.  
'Zaphod, what are you doing?' asked Ford. 'Are you trying to make love to the next ship or something?'  
Zaphod hit him with a spare fist.  
'No,' he said, 'I'm just trying to murder the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. What does it look like?!'  
'It looks like you're trying to make love to the space ship,' Ford said.  
'I'm trying to open this ship!!' said Zaphod exasperatedly.  
'Oh really,' said Ford. 'Doesn't seem to be working, does it?'  
'You don't say,' said Zaphod.  
'I'll just sit here and contemplate the uselessness of life, shall I?' Marvin said.  
'Yes, you just do that,' said Zaphod. 'Don't mind me, I'm only trying to open a ship for us.'  
'OK,' said Marvin.  
'Of course,' said Ford, 'it might be helpful if you just get lost. Perferably somewhere deep in the void.'  
'Or,' said Zaphod. 'You could open this ship up!'  
'It wouldn't give me any pleasure,' said Marvin.  
'Just do it!' Ford said.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
